I couldn't help it.

sometimes, against all my efforts not to, i compare myself/my life/etc. to others. mostly, i think, it's because i like the reassurance that i'm up to par. but sometimes, i get really down on myself when i assume, from the looks of things, that someone else has gotten a better hand dealt to them. "better" meaning easier, more stable, more relaxed, more successful, more healthy, more fun, more meaningful, more productive, more social, more private, more fruitful, just overall luckier than me. the past few months have been especially packed with these comparisons and i've even moved on from only comparing myself to others to comparing others with each other and getting really sad for the one that doesn't seem to have the better situation. that's a lot of feeling sorry..... it's making me eat a lot of chocolate which is just as good as it is bad :)

today i realized something about someone who i'd always assumed had the "better" situation than most and the reality is that she doesn't. far from it actually and i got so angry with myself for 1. not realizing this sooner so that i could maybe help 2. holding this assumption against her for years.

the truth is that what i may consider "better" is subjective and i really shouldn't be so hard on myself! so i'm making a new year's resolution now (along with exercising more, losing weight, yada yada yada) that i will curb the comparisons and make lemonade with the lemons instead of feeling sorry that they're not pomegranates. lemonade has its own benefits and pomegranates have their own season and i'll eat many a pomegranate along the way as they come my way and i've enjoyed plenty already to be thankful for!

i'm not sure if this post will make sense next time i read it but oh well...